How does anyone hate kids they are so funny I sold tickets to incredibles to this little girl and her mom and she’s like mom are we sitting next to each other and the moms like ya and the kid screamed YES so loud it broke my ears
The other day I was bringing an older gentleman up the hill in a golf cart and we drove past this huge YMCA group of kids like 100 kids
and driving past the first chunk like 10 of them yelled out “let me on” in unison and then since I’m driving so slowly to be safe, halfway in some kid leaned up and said “do you play fortnite” and I told him I played a little and he just pointed and shouted “THIS GUY PLAYS FORTNITE” and then like 20 kids started talking to me all at once about fortniteA kid asked me if I lived in the ambulance. I said yes.
The hero we deserve
When I was on register at Kohl’s a little girl came through with her grandma and she was so very excited to tell me the meaning of her name (I think it was like warrior of god) and she begged her grandma for her phone so she could google to find out what my name means too
i wear two spinner rings on one finger and one time at my last job a young girl (probably 6-8) said “your ring is very pretty” and when i showed her it was two rings she GASPED and said “does that mean you’re marrying two people?!”
I have this necklace with a mermaid on it that I wear to work a lot and I got asked by a kid if it gave me magic powers. I leaned in real close and told her in a low voice it gave me magical girl powers but it was a secret. She got this real serious look on her face and said to her mom “that lady has superpowers, don’t tell anyone or the government will take her away”.
The other day i had to give a speech at my school despite my horrific fear of public speaking and afterwards i had kid come up to me and say well done to me. It was so cute.
god I love tiny kids
there was a kid in one of our science camps and he spent the whole week in a lab coat and goggles screaming “CHEMICALS” at the top of his lungs. he wouldn’t even tell us his name for the first two days just screamed CHEMICALS instead.
I was watching these kids at church today and one of them screamed and threw a toy car into the wall and it broke and the other one looked over calmly and said “does your insurance cover that?”
I was taking the drink order for a family at work and I asked their kid what he wanted to drink and he just looked at me with a completely deadpan expression and said “vodka” and me and the parents just fucking lost it
kid I used to babysit asked why my lips were different (she was two), and when I told her that it was because I was wearing lipstick, she yelled, “MAYA, I WANT LIPITZ.”
I work in a school and every time I draw anything on the board (I am a terrible artist and usually resort to stick men), the kids will all go ‘I love your picture, that’s a great drawing Miss’. So blindly supportive.
One time my younger brother ordered a “non-alcoholic fanta” at a hotel bar and the bartender lost his shit and I was never the same man
When I was student teaching, I was taking my fourth graders back from lunch and noticed one little girl looking longingly at the playground, where the younger kids were having recess. She heaved a big sigh and said, “I used to be that free.”
oh my god little kids in the library are the BEST one time i was looking for a book and a little girl tried to help me cause we always help HER find the books she wants. sometimes when i’m helping them check out they’ll tell me about the books they’re getting. i know so much about dog man.
oh man! another hilarious thing kids in the library do! they will straight up TELL ON THEIR PARENTS!
mom: the book was like that when we checked it out
child, innocently confused: i thought (little brother) did that though?
dad: yes that’s our correct address and phone number
child, barely paying attention: we MOOOOVED!! :D
parent: we never checked that book out
child, trying to be helpful: yes we did, that’s the one we lost at grandma’s house, remember?
me, fighting laughter and trying to decide whether or not the enter the child’s testimony as official evidence or not
Day 2 of summer day camp one of the tables of 8-9 year olds was asking if I was a boy or a girl, and I was explaining to them that ‘neither’ could be an answer. And one of the girls SLAMMED her hands down on the table and leaned forward like a lawyer at a cross-examination to ask “WHAT’S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE FOOD THAT YOU’LL STILL EAT ANYWAY”
A moment burned into my brain:
A children’s theater thing in Central Park, sometime in the late 70s. A crowd of kids of ages… oh, 7 to 10 or thereabouts. A fairy-tale-ish story’s being enacted for them. A princely hero’s been given a sword to take on a journey and instructed not to put it down under any circumstances or Very Bad Things will happen.
Shortly the prince runs into a witch (as one does). She wants the sword, and starts wheedling him to put it down, take a rest, it must be so heavy, etc etc. He resists for a while but finally begins to think about agreeing, about putting it down. And while this is happening, a Monster is creeping up behind him.
Shrieks of warning from the horrified audience as the Monster gets closer and closer. “No, no!” “Look out!” “It’s right behind you!” “Don’t put it down!”
And into one of those unpredictable spaces of silence that sometimes falls in live performance, a single voice speaks up. Little girl sitting not far from me, one of those absolutely angelic-faced children, maybe seven years old, like a little doll. And she says, with piercing clarity and sheer bloodthirsty relish:
“Go ahead! Put it down. Let’s see what happens.”
I wear multi colored lipstick all the time (top lip a darker color and bottom lip a fun bright color) and I put body glitter along my cheeks and nose as a fun blush that matches my outfits. I’ve had many adorable reactions from kids because of it!
I had both on when working in retail. During one shift I heard a gasp from a kid behind me. I turned around and there was this little girl only 6 or so who looked at me super excited and asked me “are you a fairy?!”
I leaned over and whispered to her “yes, but keep it a secret okay? I’m undercover as a human.” And winked at her.
Her response was “ooohhhh… okay!” And tried her best to wink back. She then tugged at her moms jacket and pointed at me and said “she is a human!”
As she walked away I mouthed “thank you” to her for not blowing my cover as a fairy. She winked back at me. It was really sweet.
Another time I was wearing another variation of that makeup, specifically a dark blue top lip and a maroon bottom lip, when a boy no older than 7 asked me how I made my lips like that. I told him lipstick and showed him the tube I had on me and he ran yelling to his mom “I WANNA COLOR MY LIPS!!!!” It really made my day
I coach archery sometimes, and that means having a stockpile of Obscure Archery Lore because you get the strangest of questions from kids and adults alike - usually about laws surrounding archery, but impromptu history lessons are also pretty common because someone asks something about the history of some aspect of archery.
So far the ones that ask both the sensiblest and most off-the-wall questions are in the 10-15 age band, usually the boys but the girls can be just as fun once they warm up to me and start asking questions rather than just listening to instructions (I usually tell the group there’s no such thing as a stupid question, because I can’t give the answers if I don’t know what they need or want to know).
Some of the things I’ve overheard or been asked have been… interesting. Questions have ranged from “can you kill a tank” (no, though with a lucky shot you could stop one of the older ones by shooting the driver), to “how far can you shoot” (we don’t want anyone trying to find out for safety reasons, so “as far as the target” is a common answer).
I run the cash register in a fast food drive-thru, and I have this one kid who comes through every day with his grandda. The kid now knows my name and always asks his grandda if it’s me taking their order and gets all excited when the answer is yes.
One time, the window was sticking really bad, so I had to throw the thing open with my whole body. Kid’s eyes went wide and he went “she opened it like a princess!” and I have never been happier to be called a princess.
Another time, I was having a shitty day. The grandda noticed so he told me how the kid asked if it was me when he heard my voice on the speaker. Grandda said it was and the kid went “YESSS!” and said I was the best [redhead girl burger joint] employee ever.
I shit you not, I cried and was grinning for the next three cars. That kid made my day and I look forward to seeing him and his grandda all the time.
I could never handle ALL the chaos of raising a kid myself, but I gotta admit I absolutely LOVE a lot of it. Kids can be just SOoooo gloriously, unrestrainedly weird.
I wish this was shown more often in fiction.
You know how, if a fictional character runs into danger or makes some enormous effort for the sake of another adult character, like a spouse or lover or something… the writer is expected to show what the characters are like, how their personalities go together and WHY they care so much about each other
and if they’re both just boring cardboard cutouts with no personality and no chemistry, readers will be like WHY DID SHE RISK HER LIFE FOR HIM AND WHY AM I SUPPOSED TO CARE
but if it’s a parent doing something for a child, this is always just taken as obvious. It’s their child, of course they’ll do absolutely anything for them. We don’t have to show why the child is lovable, because duh. No, at the very most we just show them doing some uber-generic parent-child thing like reading a bedtime story, and it’s automatically obvious why they’ll lay down their life for this kid
Which yes, it’s technically true for most parents. Yes, even if their kid was totally boring and acted exactly like the cardboard kids in those generic parent-child scenes, most parents would still do everything in their power to protect that kid, because that’s how parental instincts work
But if you want the scene to resonate with everyone, not just the parents with active parental instincts…
…then WHY tHE HELL don’t you show children in their realistic glory, with all the weird wonderful chaotic goblin energy they SO OFTEN HAVE in REAL LIFE??