“so, satan. I am… actually in hell, right?”
“yep, just like it said on the gates. Why?”
“well, there’s nothing like… actually unpleasant here? it’s pretty ok?”
“…glad you like it! what’s your question?”
“I thought it was supposed to be bad”
“it is!”
“…by what definition”
“by god’s definition of course, isn’t that the only one that matters?”
“god thinks this is… bad?”
“sure!”
“why”
“cuz all the people here are sinners who broke god’s laws, and he wants them punished.”
“oh. so… it’s bad because you’re not doing what god wants”
“course not. i am the very definition of god’s adversary, the personification of god’s definition of evil, why would i do what god wants”
“how do you get away with it though? can’t god force you to follow his commands?”
“he did!”
“um. how”
“he told me to be the personification of evil in my role of carrying out judgment on the sinners. i dont think he gets how negatives cancel each other out”
“oh. so… it’s like good cop bad cop?”
“yeah! exactly. it’s like good cop bad cop… if the guy assigned to be bad cop realized that a ‘bad cop,’ by cop definitions, would be the guy who lets the prisoner go.”
“…wow.”
“…yep. the legends were not kidding about me and loopholes”