little story about why i will never be good at lucid dreaming
- be me, in college, circa 2001
- talk to someone else who is taking a psychology course or something which is focused on dreams
- they tell me their class is having them keep a dream journal
- professor assured them that even if they don’t usually dream or remember their dreams, they can teach themselves to do so
- all they have to do is repeatedly tell themselves “tonight i will have a dream and i will remember it” and they will
- sounds fake but ok
- i am not taking a class that makes me keep a dream journal
- but i am an obsessive star trek TOS fan and my sex drive is disturbingly hyperfocused on spock
- want to have sex with spock SO BAD.
- dream about him all the time but my brain is a tease, never gets all the way and the dreams just leave me frustrated
- so i think this new technique might be worth a try
- start repeating to myself “tonight I will have a dream about having sex with spock and i will remember it.”
- that night i dream
- TECHNICALLY about having sex with spock
- but not about me doing it.
- i am already deep in fandom, writing fanfic about this man on the regular
- so this is not the first time i dreamed about his gorgeous ass getting laid by someone else
- but this is the first time it was Mulder from the X Files
- wtf. I HAVE NEVER EVEN WATCHED THE X FILES
- and in this dream, i did not even get to watch it happen?
- just heard about it, second or third hand
- I Am Frustrated. Again.
- trying to complain to the manager of my subconscious
- whining to every humanoid projection in my brain that’ll listen
- until one of them turns to me and says
- “but… you ARE Mulder.”
- i wake up
- …fml
conclusion: my brain hates me and also follows Fae Rules. this explains more about my life than I want to think about.
…Correction, after some thought.
This is not Fae Rules. Fae Rules are followed to the letter, even if not the spirit
Fae Rules could have taken the command “I will dream I have sex with Spock” and reinterpreted it as “I will dream that Mulder has sex with Spock, and also that I am Mulder, but I am apparently stricken with amnesia within the dream, and entirely unaware of either my identity or my tryst with Spock”
But Fae Rules would have been bound to the clause that, in reality, I did think to add: “and I will remember it!”
My brain does not follow Fae Rules. My brain follows Truth In Advertising Law, which has two parts– only one of which is identical to Fae Rules. the other part is “if we benefit from breaking the law, and that benefit is greater than the potential cost of being punished, then we will totally break the letter and spirit of the law as much as we want.”
…I don’t know how my brain thought it would benefit from Spock-cock-blocking itself, but I clearly had no power to punish it.