My biggest theory-of-mind impairment when interacting with neurotypicals is that I assume they know things just because I have explicitly told them
this is primarily about things like household chores and tasks at work. things which many people think are 1. boring and 2. obvious
So I’ll say something like “the floor needs to be vacuumed but you shouldn’t use the small vacuum cleaner because it’s been making a burning smell when I use it” or “I filled the dishwasher most of the way and you can add more dishes and run it whenever you want”
And I will file this away as “ok now I’ve told them and they know.” But I think the reason I’m often wrong about that is because people just are not capable of listening with full attention to that sort of statement
they will later make it clear that either
- they never registered what I said at all
- they immediately forgot it
- they heard part of it, and now remember it as something different from what I said (like “please vacuum the floor” or “I ran a load of dishes”)
- they did not believe me (“oh she’s always thinking she smells things that aren’t there, the small vacuum is fine” or “no way did she actually fill the dishwasher most of the way, there’s probably room for a whole load in there still”)
But it’s always on me for somehow not communicating the issue in a way that could magically force them to listen and absorb the right info
additional fascinating facts:
expressing it in a written note (on paper) is “passive-aggressive”
expressing it in a written note (via text message) is acceptable but will be ignored in much the same fashion as vocal speech
text message provides proof that you did say it, but recipient will not be blamed for missing a text message; you will be blamed for not saying it in person
expressing it both via text AND in person means you’re overbearing and nagging