crplpunkklavier:

a gentle fact about this world is that people will want to help you. a cruel fact about it is that you do have to put on your big boy pants and open their contact on your phone and say some human words to ask them for it

i struggle with this

because of a certain loop of logic that happens in my head

• I can’t ask someone else for help, that would be coercive.
• why?
• because if I ask them for help and they don’t want to, they will still say yes
• why
• because they feel that saying no isn’t a safe option.
• why do you think they’d feel that way?
• because I would feel that way, if I were in that position.
• why would you?
• because someone who’s reached the absolute last resort of “asking another person for help” is a desperate individual with no other recourse… I don’t wanna know what they’d do if someone said no.
• why do you think that about people who ask for help??
• because that’s the only way I would ever ask for help.
• and why wouldn’t you ask for help otherwise?
• because (loop back to beginning)

…this looks ridiculous when laid out like this

but it is the exact reason why dating and flirting, in most societies, is a whole complex system of indirect hints and guesses

and I see why this is

because I recognize the potential for coercion, if a guy asked me outright for sex, knowing how guys often handle rejection

and then I just extrapolate that to other things in life…

because sex isn’t fundamentally different for me, and mostly I would be just as upset to be pressured (or unwittingly pressure someone else) into other things