As someone who actually feels a lot of sympathy for children, but used to say “I hate children” far too carelessly, and is learning to cut out those words:

• I agree with the recent turn (even in child-free spaces) toward discouraging that kind of statement.
• It’s not kind, to children or to those who care about them.
• And it can muddle your own feelings, too, if you say it enough to internalize it… because often it’s not exactly true.

Here are some things that may actually be going through the mind of someone who says that:

• “I hate other people’s expectation that I ought to give birth to children, or that I ought to do unpaid and coerced labor involved in taking care of their children.”
• “I hate the memory of what childhood was like for me.”
• “Seeing children in public, especially when they are being loud or difficult, reminds me of those things, stresses me out, and sets off responses of panic or anger.”

In my current opinion, the proper response to this is:

• Do one’s best to learn coping mechanisms for when one has to be in public around children– because there is no way to avoid this at all times, or to force parents to “control” their kids at all times.
• When needing time away from children to recharge, do so in a space where this can reasonably be done.
• I agree there are too few spaces like this. And most of them (like a bar) are places of noise and disruptive behavior… and therefore can set off the same sorts of overwhelmed panic for me that children can.
• Honestly, there are too few places in general where an easily-overwhelmed person can find peace. It’s why I spend so much time alone at home. And why I prefer to “socialize” in private spaces, like at my home or a friend’s home, where I can choose to be there with only people I know and trust… people who I know don’t overwhelm me in the ways children do.
• More of us should have options like that.

However, none of this will ever make “I hate children” into a helpful statement.

When interacting with the type of people who pressure us about children, though… we have limited options.

If someone is saying “I need you to look after my kids,” or even “You ought to become a parent,” we can reply:

• “Caring for kids stresses me out.”
  (answer: “Join the club. They stress all of us out. You’re selfish for refusing to take on your fair share of the stress.”)
• “Caring for kids brings back traumatic memories of my bad childhood.”
  (answer: “Your childhood can’t have been that bad. People with worse childhoods become parents. And if you need something to help you get over those bad memories, why not just do your part to give some kids a better childhood?”)
• “I am not good at caring for kids.”
  (answer: “That’s not true! I know you’re a good person! You’re sweet and gentle and smart and kind! You’ll do fine!” …implication: only an evil person could be actually bad at caring for kids.)

If we want a response that will actually get someone to stop pestering us, it’s down to pretty much only two options:

• “I literally hate children and feel violent anger and rage upon seeing them.” (this will convince the other person that we truly are Evil and Irredeemable, because no good person would ever say this. Thus, we get an exception to their rule that Everyone Should take care of children, because even they can’t justify leaving kids in the care of an obvious villain.)

Or:

• “I like children TOO MUCH and I’m legally prohibited from going within 300 feet of them.” (also untrue, but same deal.)

….I’m unlearning the language of hate. But, by necessity, that also involves cutting out people like that from my entire life. If I had family members who acted this way, it would get more complex.