I wanna be the suspect who the detective throws a stapler at, to see if I catch it in my right or left hand, and obviously since I am the most uncoordinated person in history I will not catch it, I will just ineffectively flail both hands and get hit in the face

and then I will no longer be the suspect but the innocent victim who the (now fully discredited) detective beaned on the head with a stapler for no clear reason (I actually am the killer tho)