I’m having a moment of frustration with myself.

My muses have been very uncooperative.

There are two stories I’ve promised to two different mutuals… which I’ve been trying to work on, little by little, over the past several months. Both are fanfics about OCs in the Tron world– theoretically topics I’m interested in and can enjoy writing.

But my inspiration keeps veering away from those, onto other completely different Tron fics.

Since promising these requests, I’ve written and posted two whole fics set during Tron’s escape from the MCP, and one pre-1982 drabble. I even have an Alan/Roy post-Legacy fic pretty much finished, which I haven’t posted yet, because… it just doesn’t seem fair to keep doing this.

I know I can do the fics I promised, if I push myself. But it pisses me off that it feels like a chore, when it shouldn’t. I feel bad for my friends. I feel mad at my muses.

I think after I do get these fics finished, I’m going to make a personal rule that I will not promise any kind of writing or art to anyone, and only make what I feel inspired to make.

Because I have a job now, one that pays the bills and doesn’t use my creativity, and so, at this point in my life, I think creativity should only be for fun.

And, if my brain for whatever random reason doesn’t feel like finding fun in something… I’ll be mad at my brain, but I know I can’t force a feeling, and I’m not going to push it.

Because pushing my executive function is gonna be all used up on my job and other necessities, and I just… don’t think I can do that for the fun creative stuff anymore.