I beg my kidnappers for a phone, swearing not to make any calls or texts, and they stare over my shoulder, holding a gun to my head as I use my newly-freed hand to post, “So do like, dudes just buy ropes and baklavas from the same store or what lmfao like a specialty Crime Store”
One of the kidnappers says “balaclavas” but it’s muffled under the fabric. I ask them to repeat and they do, their voice raspy from disuse. “You wrote baklava, that’s a pastry.” The other kidnapper goes “stfu” and then after a pause goes “Why would you buy from a crime store”
Then they spit roast me
I didn’t wanna say this but now that someone’s left this kind of comment I have to be honest: Everyone else’s tags are funny but this is the only person who understood my vision for this scenario
why the fuck is this so funny
and why is it somehow in the same universe as Sark’s Mafia Bakery