“Love is a sacrament that should be taken kneeling”
—Oscar Wilde
Oscar Wilde WAS gay and he DID suck dicks but “love is a sacrament that should be taken kneeling” is not about oral sex. It is not even erotic.
Here’s the rest of the quote. It’s from De Profundis:
“Most people live for love and admiration. But it is by love and admiration that we should live. If any love is shown us we should recognise that we are quite unworthy of it. Nobody is worthy to be loved. The fact that God loves man shows us that in the divine order of ideal things it is written that eternal love is to be given to what is eternally unworthy. Or if that phrase seems to be a bitter one to bear, let us say that everyone is worthy of love, except him who thinks that he is. Love is a sacrament that should be taken kneeling, and Domine, non sum dignus should be on the lips and in the hearts of those who receive it.”
And the experiences all blend into each other in powerful ways.
Perhaps one can’t totally separate his gay experience from the religious shame of believing we are all undeserving of love
And perhaps one also can’t totally separate that from the joyous reinterpretation of that religious lesson, into “I will give and receive the acts of love I am told I don’t deserve, and I will call it a sacrament”
Screw whatever religion and anyone/anything else telling you you’re not worthy of being loved, because that is a hella shitty thing to tell people, and whoever says it is a colossal asshole.
…yeah
Actually doesn’t even follow logic, really
“God loves us even though we’re undeserving of it” is another of those paradoxes of divine perfection
(Kinda like “can god make a rock he can’t lift”)
Because if we are unworthy of love, and God still loves us, that means God does something that’s not worth doing, something that has no value– and therefore God is imperfect
And if there IS value in God loving us in spite of everything –
then it IS an act worth doing, and therefore we ARE worthy of love
Or, I guess, if we are unworthy but the act of loving us is still somehow worthy –
… then that means God’s feelings about us go like, “these creatures are totally worthless and don’t deserve love, but I’m gonna act like I love them anyway, because it’s the Right Thing to Do, in some way totally separate from their actual non-existent value”
And I don’t know what to call that feeling, but I sure don’t call it love
Yeah. Screw anyone telling people that. I find the belief that everyone is worthy of love a much more positive outlook. And that’s something we could use a lot more of these days.
Definitely. More love is better.
And I mean, I don’t exactly even believe in the concept of “deserving” anyway
or at least not as most people see it (as meaning “you should get something because you are good enough, and if you weren’t good enough you shouldn’t get it”)
I believe in things people need and want. And I believe in fulfilling as many of those needs and wants as can possibly be fulfilled
(taking into account, of course, that some of them are incompatible with each other and can’t be fulfilled at once; some of them can’t be fulfilled because they’d lead to harm and other needs going unsatisfied)
But the more needs and wants can be satisfied, the more happiness is in the world, and I don’t know how else to define “good”
But I don’t believe in tying that to people’s “value”
And as for “love”…
- That is a feeling that a person can have for you.
- They can’t choose to feel it or not feel it.
So saying that you “deserve love” is only meaningful as a thing to tell yourself, if someone does love you or might love you, but you have trouble accepting that they can or should.
It’s not meaningful as a general statement of a human right. Because acting on that would mean trying to force people to feel love for someone– which isn’t even possible, and wouldn’t be ethical if it was. Expecting basic decent treatment of each other, sure. But love is a whole other, special thing.
And yes. People definitely do need the affirmation that it’s okay to be loved, even when they already have someone wholeheartedly loving them.
Because yeah, there’s some messed-up ideas in this world and lots of people have grown up with that “you are not worthy” mindset, and it leaves people so broken.
