So. A little IRL update.

For the past few months I’ve been looking into home ownership.

I hadn’t actually been thinking it would be within my reach so soon. I mean, yeah I had moved to MN, where houses are more affordable than California where I’d been before… and yeah I had gotten a job that paid more than I’d been making before, enough that a mortgage in the area didn’t seem beyond my monthy budget.

But I still thought the down payment would be a huge obstacle. Homes around here are in the $200,000 range, and affording a 20% down payment of $40,000 felt like a faraway dream.

I was talking to a realtor mainly just to gauge whether it was realistic to imagine that I could EVER save up enough for a down payment from my current income.

And it turns out, there are actually state-funded assistance programs that help with that! And it’s not even all that hard to qualify, compared to some other kinds of state assistance.

…It does require you to be either a first-time home buyer, or at least to have not owned a home in the past 3 years. And you have to have income that can be tracked to legitimate sources– they monitor your bank accounts for the last several months before your home search begins, and they want explanations for any deposits, and anything without sufficient proof of legitimacy can disqualify you. That kind of thing.

The assistance covered the whole down payment on the home loan. To qualify for the loan itself, I did need to have good credit. Not gonna deny that would be an obstacle for a lot of people. I managed it by 1. being lucky enough to have no credit at all until a few years ago because I’d never needed to take out a loan or credit card, and 2. then taking out one of the few simple credit cards you can get with no credit at all– and carefully using it to build credit by paying for various necessities I’d otherwise have gotten with my debit card, and then 3. paying off the full balance every month, so that it never cost me any more than if I’d used my debit account for those purchases. So by the time I started this house search, my credit was pretty great, and I do admit it would have been a lot more of a problem if it wasn’t.

But overall, it was still lots more achievable than I expected. Especially with the help of a good realtor and the loan company she put me in touch with.

Realtors (at least in my experience) are actually pretty accessible to talk to. They don’t charge for consultations, or really anything, until a house sells. They get a cut of that, which is, I think, how they make their whole income. So all the work they do toward connecting a buyer with a seller is work they’re just hoping will pay off later, in the sale of a house.

Which means my realtor helped connect me with all the other people I needed to work with, and showed me several houses, even drove me to them, and gave me really valuable advice on which ones looked good and what things to be careful about– and negotiated with sellers on my behalf to arrange a sale that would meet all my needs (including things required by the state assistance, like that the seller had to pay closing costs).

And it all cost me very little up front– at least, compared to what I’d been expecting. The only things I had to pay, as we got close to the sale, were “earnest money,” a deposit equaling one percent of the cost of the house (around here that’s in the $2000 range) some of which I get back at closing… and a payment of slightly less than that, for the home inspection. Having $5000 saved up would have been plenty. Which is not a small amount. But nowhere near $40,000.

So… I’m gonna have a house. Closing is in aa few days. The monthly mortgage, taxes, home insurance and utilities will all be within what I can currently afford.

And I will have enough room to invite others to stay with me. Enough for them each to have some totally private space, even.

Having help with payments would be a plus, but I have decided I’m not going to try and make that a condition of any roommate’s occupancy. I’m going to invite people I like and trust and get along with well– and having them there for company will just be worth it for its own sake.

I have lately been realizing that I value just having nice people around, regardless of what they can or can’t “contribute” materially. This became very clear to me when I was living in the polycule in Los Angeles. We were all there for each other in whatever ways we could be– but with enough of us there, none of us were under undue pressure for anything from anyone. We gave what we could– from each according to ability; to each according to need. And it worked.

I mean, it didn’t last forever. People’s lives change, some of them move on. I think that if poly relationships really are “more prone to failing,” it’s just statistical math, a greater number of people who could potentially end up having to leave. Most relationships don’t last for life anyway!

But the good thing is that the more of them you have, the less alone you’ll be if one ends. And I think this goes for all kinds of relationships, including non-sexual non-romantic friends and roommates. The companionship, in whatever form it could be given, was certainly more important to me than the sex.

I had to leave LA for health reasons, which was miserable– but still. While it lasted, it was the most fulfilling living situation I’ve ever been in, and I want to try and create something similar here.

I am a social creature. Yeah, it’s limited by my introversion, and by a deep desire for everyone in the house to have their own room, to make sure boundaries are firm. But I still wanna share some parts of my life with others on a regular basis, just for the sake of the sharing.

It’s strange to me that this isn’t a more common view for homeowners to have.

I mean, it IS very common to want some company and some contact with others. And there are cases where we commonly see this happening in regard to living space, without expectation of monetary payment– but only within certain parameters.

That is: we see people having children, and adopting pets. And in those cases, we see people claim that the experience of having that connection in itself is worth whatever it costs, and is worth not getting paid for it.

So why is it so strange to extend a similar feeling to people who can live with you as equals? Are children and pets the only exceptions? And subservient housewives, I guess? Is that all?

Is the “normal” appeal of sharing your home with someone really just the idea that you have total control over them?

Well.

Fuck being normal.