So when I see a take about how a disability is “no excuse” for not doing something, because “I (or other people I’m using as an example) have this same disability and CAN do the thing”
I feel like it needs to be split into a few different issues
Because on the one hand, no two people have the EXACT same disability, every type of disability affects different people in different ways, and “telling disabled people what their own disability does and doesn’t stop them from doing” is something with a HUGE history of abuse
But–
– and this is especially true with social disabilities, and the ways they can impair skills at showing basic kindness and respect to others–
-“What we are able to do” can often grow over time
-A disability can slow or limit that growth, but very often we can still grow more than we thought we could
-And, if others are being actively harmed by the fact that you can’t do something– or have given up on trying– or just haven’t gotten to the point of figuring out how yet–
-Then it is entirely reasonable for them to decide “yeah this is not a person we feel safe being around,” and remove themselves from your life for however long THEY want to.
What is a “social disability”? I’ve never heard this term before.
I don’t know if it’s an official term. I’m just using it to mean any disability that can impair social skills or understanding of social rules, like autism.
For example, the social rules surrounding a question like “what statements and actions are considered racist or sexist?” can be complicated, not always intuitive, and different individuals (even within the same marginalized group) can disagree on it. Being respectful of people around you often requires a social skill at “reading the room,” which doesn’t come easily to all disabled people.
So when I see someone say stuff like “autism doesn’t make you unable to do that!” I feel like it needs clarification – and needs to be interpreted on a few different levels, including both the individual’s responsibility to keep trying as much as they can, and the right of others to distance themselves if they want.
Ah, okay
I think it’s also worth pointing out, a disability is never the ONLY thing going on for people. There may be other things going on in their life that may keep them from doing something.
Very true.
Like, if someone said something that unintentionally came across as offensive, part of the reason they didn’t realize that beforehand could have been that they were autistic and missed social cues that could have made it clear. But it could also be partly caused by things like a culture clash, language barrier, inexperience with that type of situation, or a history of hearing other people say similar things without it being treated as a problem…
And at some point it’s not even that helpful to try and figure out the exact causes.
Because usually what is most needed afterwards is just an apology, and an acknowledgement that this wasn’t the right thing to say and you’ll try to learn from this mistake.
I think the specific type of “disability is no excuse!” post that I was thinking of, when I wrote this originally, is a type where someone is expressing frustration at people who say something racist or sexist or otherwise offensive, and then, if they’re called out on it, focus on talking about their social disabilities instead of simply apologizing.
Which is another sort of mistake that isn’t always bad-intentioned (sometimes it feels like you’re being asked for an explanation, and that feels like an explanation!) But it’s usually not part of the response anyone wants to hear.