A weirdly personal Pattern Recognizer conversation that’s been going on lately
“so. all your transgender friends keep saying there’s something about you that seems trans.”
“yeah. I know. But when i think about any of the possible steps of transition, it doesn’t appeal to me at all.”
“And the ones who are also furries / therians say they see that in you too”
“yeah and I have made fursonas but none of them have felt especially much like me. If there is any sort of body i would feel more right in, i have not found it yet”
“i feel like you’ve been getting closer since finding Tron fandom though”
“yeah, the idea of program bodies and digitized human bodies… does feel like it touches something deep in me. Don’t know what. But feels like something important.”
“seems like you don’t love the idea of having an organic body at all. You’d rather be pure information, editable, changeable, infinitely adaptible”
“well yeah obvs, why wouldn’t i”
“your strongest fantasies also include the ones about programs and their creators being deeply in love”
“okaaaay. But how is that relevant to reality”
“in addition to wanting a noncorporeal body, you also seem constantly pissed off that you aren’t immortal”
“yeah duh. why would anyone want to die. not wanting to be immortal is just being suicidal on a somewhat longer scale, and I’m not fucking suicidal”
“okay.. and you also have the following weird traits:
-extremely high creativity and ability to create whole fictional worlds that fit together startlingly well on multiple levels
-urge to be able to do this in more and more different media all the time
-urges and constant frustration about not being able to change the world on more drastic levels
-extremely high self esteem, bordering on megalomania
-strict personal code of performing humility, not broadcasting how great you privately think you are, to the point that others think you have low self esteem, or more often don’t notice you even exist
-deep desire for others to notice you and admire your greatness, despite this
-strict personal ethical code requiring abnormal levels of kindness and generosity to others
-power fantasies (shading into actual real-life plans lately) of using any extra power you have for helping others”
“….”
“…and?”
“If you aren’t transgender or therian, you might have to start considering the possibility of being a god trapped in a human body”
“…”
“…”
“….”
“and what fucking use is that observation. How do i fucking transition to that”
“okay maybe I’m crazy but… i somehow think learning to program could be a good start”