so one night the dick van dyke (the local badass butch lesbian with the art van covered in paintings of penises) comes back to her van after a day at work

and there’s scratches all over the side! and she’s like oh no, someone keyed my van? but then she notices the dicks are gone too! and she’s like… wait. This van isn’t actually mine.

then she’s like. Oh I know whose this is! It belongs to that friend of mine who’s a sex worker, and one of her johns turned out to be a werewolf, and one time when they had a disagreement over payment he just straight-up transformed into wolf form and scratched the shit out of her van. That’s what this is.

this isn’t my van. This is the john-clawed van. Damn.

…