I’m not sure how valuable the term “gaslighting” even is, really

the meaning it conveys is: “the other person secretly agrees that you are right about what you’ve observed, but finds that truth inconvenient, and so wants to convince you that you are wrong and you can’t trust your own observations”

it probably is important to be aware that this specific act exists… and to distinguish it from ordinary lying, as well as ordinary misunderstandings and being wrong

(all of which the word does get applied to– too often, to the point that it’s been in danger of losing its original meaning)

the problem is, that distinction usually can’t be made by the person who needs it most

because

becoming certain whether someone is gaslighting you (as opposed to just lying, or just mistakenly thinking you’re wrong, or actually being correct about you being wrong)

requires being certain of both 1. the actual facts, and 2. the person’s actual beliefs about them

Both of which the act of gaslighting is specifically intended to obscure from you

it’s a thing that almost by definition you can’t identify if it’s there

like a gas leak without the artificial scent added

Should call it gasleaking