some recent posts are making me think

keeping money in accounts that your partner doesn’t know about, and denying them access to it when they need it, is considered to be financial abuse

but having a private account, with enough money to get back on one’s feet, is considered a vital safety precaution against a relationship becoming abusive

at what point does “preparing for escape in the event of abuse” become abuse itself

i mean everything on any list of “abusive behaviors” can be turned around and used as an accusation of abuse against the victim, that’s basically DARVO

but this one’s especially nebulous

if the difference is “denying them access to the money when they need it,” then this difference only exists in relationships between people so economically privileged that there’s ever a time when extra money is “not needed”

(perhaps this is why security so often takes the form of expensive but sentimentally important jewelry, i guess)