the struggle of seeing a post that goes “people of (xyz) group do not want you to do/say (abc), that’s offensive”

and really wanting to learn from this, and become more sensitive and respectful as a person

but having absolutely no way to know if this post actually speaks for the majority of (xyz group)

or if it speaks for a few very actively online individuals, whose tendencies towards angry retaliation are making the rest of the group afraid to say anything like “it’s not important” or “I actually really wish we could see more of (abc), if done respectfully”

And also having no answers to questions like “if some members of group (xyz) do consider (abc) offensive or hurtful, how widespread does that belief have to be before it becomes ethically wrong to do it”

Or “who qualifies as a member of group (xyz), enough for their opinion to be counted toward total percentage of approval/disapproval of (abc)”

(and also “how can anyone possibly prove that about someone’s identity, from anything they post on a social media website”)

… And, before anyone tries to answer this question for me about specific values of (xyz) and (abc)….

please know that I do not have a particular example in mind, at all.

I’ve just seen so many different examples of this over the past few days on Tumblr.

with criticism ranging through sexism, racism, ableism, transphobia, homophobia, etc. etc. etc., in specific acts ranging from “how you do your writing and art” to “how you interact with other people’s Tumblr posts.”

Far too many different examples to try and seek answers for all of them at once. And I KNOW they don’t all have the same right answer.

(and no, my previous vaguepost was not related to this at all. It was a whole different type of disagreement and much less important)

And a part of me would like to take the lesson, “just play it safe, if there’s ANYONE saying (abc) is hurtful to group (xyz) you should avoid doing it, that’s the only way to be sure you aren’t hurting anyone”

….Except, over time on this hellsite, I have seen ways that has also ended up hurting people.

Like the times when the popular critique of (abc), for a while, said you have to do (efg) as an alternative– but then, later, the tide turned toward saying (efg) was actually harmful, and (abc) was actually the preferable option.

Or when the popular critique said you were a bad ally if you didn’t actively join the fight on the side of the members of (xyz) who were against (abc)– but then later, the people who were remembered as bad allies were the ones who took part in that fight (and ended up hurting the members of group (xyz) who actually approved of (abc) and were doing it themselves despite the fear of harassment)

….And it gets even worse when the judgment of “whether you support (abc)” is determined in part by “whether you ever interact civilly with any people who openly support (abc).”

I don’t know. I’m gonna go touch grass for a bit.

(Not that logging off and retreating into the world I can see in meatspace is gonna make my views and actions any less biased. Just that… well, I have actual yard work to do. and if I don’t touch specifically some of the grass that’s getting into my neighbor’s flowerbeds, I’m gonna have some conflict closer to home.)