avoidantcactus:

Constantly torn between “I can’t ask for help bc then I’m annoying and everyone will be mad” and “I must ask for help at every possible stage because I might do it wrong and then everyone will be mad” ya feel

Both are true. At work, anyway. Everyplace I’ve worked in the past decade. (Not always before then, but definitely now. It’s how jobs are now i guess)

you end up having to develop a thick skin for people getting annoyed at you for both asking questions and for doing it wrong if you don’t ask. And gradually develop a better (though never perfect) sense of when you have to ask and when you can go with what makes sense to you. (Never perfect because there will still be times when the rules you think you know 100% will suddenly change at random and no one tells you but everyone expects you to know.)

the good part, though, is that “people getting annoyed at you” still doesn’t have nearly as much of an actual effect on your material conditions as it feels like at first.

At least not in my experience, in the types of jobs I’ve worked. Most of the people getting annoyed at you are not in a position to fire you, or influence that decision at all. And the people who do control your employment are usually aware that they’re lucky to have you and don’t actually want you to leave.

(They may still act like they don’t see your value, for kinda the same reasons that abusers sometimes try to make their victims feel worthless. But if this gets to the point where you actually decide to leave, they will often start panicking. Which can be funny as hell. In a fucked-up sort of way.)