It’s so crazy that someone you love dying just turns into one humiliation ritual after another. Constantly explaining to people that they died. Filling out endless paperwork for years after. Phone call after phone call to organize what to do with the body and funeral arrangements. God forbid they died suddenly or didn’t have an ironclad will or it turns into even more of a bureaucratic nightmare. On top of it all, everything associated with dying is the most expensive things on planet earth. And through it all, if the grief doesn’t feel constantly suffocating, it creeps up on you at the worst moments until you’re pulled over on the side of the road, crying. And you’re expected to be back to normal a week later.
This is rather morbid so bear with me, but I’ve had two deaths in my very close family in the last 5 months—someone who withered away from age and someone who died suddenly with no warning—and the two bits of advice I’ll give to anyone who has never had to deal with All This is please
1. If you are a legal adult, regardless of your age and health, write out a will which clearly states A) what to do with your assets (can be as simple as “all to spouse” or “all to [person]”) and B) if you wish to be buried or cremated
2. have a place where your major account passwords are stored
It seems silly and morbid and no one wants to consider their own death so we don’t talk about these things, but it is such a kindness to make sure that your loved ones will have one less headache after you die when they’re already mourning you.
For point number 1, I’d especially like to emphasis that in many cases, you specifically need to WRITE out this will. Not just type it.
Obviously, look up what the legal requirements are wherever you live, but it’s my understanding that most places require a holographic will to be done completely in the testator’s own handwriting.
Important.
I do need to do this, as soon as I get settled enough into this messed-up new stage of my life to even know what I’d want to put in a will
One thing that’s been holding me back is that most of the options I’d been considering for will-writing required signatures of witnesses, and that would require openly talking about this to someone.
and despite being in my 40s and having never been actively suicidal, I’ve had experiences with therapists (including some in just the past couple years) that… well… have scared me off of feeling safe even giving anyone the slightest hint that I ever think at all about my own death.
…for what it’s worth, I’ve read that some of the (very important and necessary!) preparations in case of one’s death are featured on lists of “signs that someone may be a suicide risk.”
No one’s currently watching me for such signs, as far as I know, but … eh. Old habits die hard.
(it’s a very old habit. I first started writing wills before I was even a teenager.)
(I was a weird kid. Adults don’t like weird kids. They prefer to tell you “you’re too young to think about death!” so that you’ll stop thinking about it, and then they can shit-talk you for being “irresponsible young kids who think they’re immortal.”)