hate how some traits are neutral, and you’ll make a neutral statement, and some people just assume it’s negative by default
“i’m fat”
“no you’re not, you’re beautiful 🥺”
“i’m aromantic, i’ve never fallen in love”
“nooo you’ll find someone eventually 🥺”
“i’m disabled, i can’t do this”
“you can do anything you put your mind to 🥺”
like, no. just because society taught you everyone should want to fix things that aren’t even flaws, doesn’t mean i haven’t unlearned that bullshit. let me go
the way I’ve had to just learn to separate my whole life from a certain kind of person
that is: parents who consider parenthood such a vital pillar of human life that they cannot perceive childlessness as anything other than a tragedy
And if they have even the most slightly friendly relationship with you, they make it their mission to save you from that tragedy
And therefore the only way to get them to stop, is to convince them you are a bad person who deserves the tragedy
i have known people who acted like that. Every rational argument fails, like so:
“I don’t want to have kids”
“yes you do, everyone does, you’ll realize it once you have them”
“I don’t have the time or money”
“people with less time and money than you have managed it! you can do it! it’s worth it, I promise!”
“I am physically unable”
“fertility treatments! in vitro! surrogacy! adoption! don’t give up on happiness! there’s always hope!”
“I have specific limitations that I know would impede my ability to provide a good life for a child”
“don’t be so cruel to yourself! You’re a good person, so you can overcome any limitation and be a good parent! The only people who can’t be good parents are evil people who deserve to be childless, and I know you’re not like that”
Sometimes we’re left with nothing to say that’ll convince them except “I hate children.” Because that convinces them we’re actually bad people, which is the only way to convince them we shouldn’t be pressured into parenthood.
Over time, this results in people like that no longer being actively present in one’s life. Which is the best outcome, though I wish there were more ways to get there.